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How does fertility treatment affect relationships? Revi, founder of the site wachtweken.nl, herself did not always experience support from those close to her. “And that’s not always possible either,” she points out.
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Talking a taboo?
Revi found out that people don’t like to talk about it. “Because it’s a different world. Empathizing is possible to some extent, but not in the pain you have, nor in the jealousy you feel. Or in the question you have to yourself: why isn’t my body working? It’s frustrating.”
Disappointment plays a big role during a fertility journey. A sour feeling that can simmer on many levels. Disappointment in yourself, for example. You doubt your body, but by now your sexuality. That can change your relationship or create distance from your partner.
Shared sorrow is half sorrow
How do you deal with that as a couple? Because sometimes partners have different needs. For example, some need silence and time for processing, while others are especially combative, looking for a solution. In addition, there is often guilt on the part of one of the two partners: ‘that we are in this is because of me.’
Keep communicating, it’s so important. When partners clash or react in a certain way, it helps to reflect on why the reaction turned out the way it did. For example, why does one withdraw? What strategy works at that moment and is it really a solution? Where does this strategy come from, what old pain is “rumbling” underneath? But also the question: do we manage to bear the tragedy together during this very difficult time? Very practically, it can already save a lot to do hospital appointments or the pricking together, go through it together.
The site wachtweken.nl is a great addition to this: direct contact with fellow sufferers supports. Because if you are more comfortable in your own skin, it will also affect your relationship at home. Do you still struggle and your visions of the process diverge? If so, be sure to take the next step and talk to one of our therapists to improve your connection.
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