Performance on infidelity throws open subject

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Guilt, old hurts, changed relationships; what does cheating do to people and relationships?

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Tjeerd Posthuma and Timothy de Gilde made a lunch performance about it at Theater Bellevue in Amsterdam, unfortunately canceled by corona. Still listen to the podcast about their performance. They highlight the subject of infidelity from different perspectives. What emotions are alive in the cheater, outsider and cheated partner? What does cheating do to partners, but also: what does it bring?

Put it on the table

In the performance, the players tell their stories, and they go beyond the incident. The creators have a point. If you want to move on together after infidelity, you have to plumb the depths. What was sparked by that “third party”? What exactly happened? To answer those questions, you have to go through the crisis. And that starts with the story of the hurting partner, with full space for his or her experiences. If the other partner falls from shame into guilt, you can start declaring. What is the overall picture? What are the stories of both partners? Only when the infidelity comes to the full light can you get to work. What information does this give us? What does this say about our relationship right now?

Underlying need

There is often the craving for something new. More time alone, doing more new, fun things, but also the need for more affirmation or attention. Relationship therapist Esther Perel: “The allure of an affair is often not so much that new partner, but the discovery of your new self.”

Hopefully the show at Theater Bellevue can continue to play after the lockdown. And otherwise the podcast or this article might stimulate you to think about questions like: where do I, do we stand on this issue? If you have any questions or doubts, be sure to contact us.

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