How do you deal with jealousy?

What do you do with intense jealousy, such as after adultery? In itself, jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone suffers from from time to time. It stems from old patterns and has to do with a negative self-image, low self-esteem.

When there was infidelity in the relationship and you move on as a couple after hard work, it can be quite difficult to regain trust. Such a bad experience can cause sudden, nasty jealousy in the cheated partner. “That other person must be better, much, much nicer. Yet it can also take you further, as psychologist and researcher Pieternel Dijkstra points out in the NRC with the article“the best remedy for jealousy: self-esteem.”

Building trust

Rebuilding trust is a chore but also a matter of letting go, you can’t do otherwise. What can help you when you are plagued by gnawing jealousy? Openness is one of the keys. Daring to express the jealousy and insecurity you feel. At the same time, it helps if the other partner shows empathy and listens. Also try to test what is really happening. ‘Why am I jealous now and is this justified?’

Stop imagining

With jealous feelings, endless imagining of unpleasant situations lurks. Moreover, we tend to compare ourselves to others who we think are much nicer, better, nicer. It’s hard to deal with this but it does help to be aware of it: ‘I’m imagining all kinds of things now’ or ‘I’m just comparing now.’ You may succeed in distancing yourself from these unwarranted feelings: ‘stop!’

Do you find it difficult to deal with jealous feelings yourself? If so, please contact us. We are happy to think with you or yours.

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