No desire for sex: now what?

Everyone feels less or no desire for sex from time to time. Sometimes there is a sense of “polyphony. What thoughts may be at play and how do you deal with them?

Often they are double thoughts. On one hand the desire that your sex is just like in the movie. Exciting, thrilling, both thoroughly enjoying themselves. On the other hand the thought: I can’t do it. This duplication often causes grief and doubt internally. ‘Am I normal or is there something wrong with me? I don’t want to do something I don’t like, but I do want to satisfy my partner’s needs.’

Can it be difficult?

It may help, instead of immediately looking for solutions, to ask yourself some questions. Namely, can it be difficult? Can you accept that it’s hard, but that that’s okay for now? Can we endure this and still be together? Is it allowed to exist in the relationship?

Thinking about these questions can help you find the space for inquiry as a couple. What do I want? What do I like in relation to my partner? How do we deal with touch and how were we shaped in this in the past? In this experiencing together, thinking about it together, lies the (new) connection with each other.

My sex is broken

In the documentary My sex is broken by Lize Korpershoek, Lize explores why it is that she herself has no desire for sex. She discusses very openly and down-to-earth what both women and men can struggle with within their sexuality. Do you have questions about sex and intimacy? Make an appointment with one of our sexologists. They are happy to engage with you.

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