Difference in Desire: How Do You Deal With It?

One of the most common issues for couples is a difference in sexual desire. One partner wants sex more often, the other less. It leads to frustration, rejection, and sometimes avoidance of any physical contact. You're not alone in this: the vast majority of couples deal with this at some point.

What's usually going on

A difference in desire is rarely just about sex. Often there's a pattern underneath. The partner with more desire feels rejected and unwanted. The partner with less desire feels pressure and withdraws. The more one pursues, the more the other distances. Eventually you stop talking about it altogether.

This pattern is called a "negative interaction cycle" in systemic therapy. It's not about who's right, but about how you get stuck together.

What helps

In therapy we explore together what desire means for each of you. What emotions lie beneath the behavior: fear of rejection, shame, insecurity. How you can create a safe space again to talk about sex. And what you both need to feel attracted to each other again.

The goal is not to reach a compromise about frequency. The goal is to restore the connection so that desire has room to grow again.

Practical information

At Praktijk de Liefde we address this as part of relationship therapy. On average, couples need 4 to 8 sessions. You can come to 9 locations throughout the Netherlands or online. No waiting list.

Do you recognize this pattern? Schedule an intake session or ask your question via chat.

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