Oscar Westra van Holthe

Life can be hard. Loss, grief and injustice can hit you deeply. They can make us lose the trust in each other and in life that we once took for granted. How do you find yourself, and each other, again after such breaches of trust? How do you create a safe space together for the sadness, the pain and the anger? And how do you do this without the communication becoming destructive and full of blame?

Together we look for where you lost each other. What fell out of balance? How does the past of each of you play a part in this? Once this has been given enough attention, the question within therapy becomes: how do you, from now on, draw a line under this together? What is needed for that? And how do you want to be there for each other from now on? Together we work out what is reasonable and fitting, with explicit attention to each other's strengths and points of growth. What do you need to start doing, and what do you need to let go of?

For me, relationship therapy is not only about the conversation itself, but also about experiencing it directly. How can we create an experience together that makes the escalations visible and breaks through them in a lasting way? In my sessions I draw on knowledge about perpetrator and victim dynamics that can play out within relationships. I also have extensive experience with body-oriented interventions and with guiding family constellations. With these, I like to put into words what is happening within and between you.

You are especially welcome with me for the impact on (love) relationships of giftedness and exceptional talent, large differences in wealth, the loss of loved ones, violence and suicidality. My guidance is characterised by the little drawings I often make as a summary. In this way I puzzle together with you over where "the heart" got lost in the hardening. Where is the love hidden in your relationship? Together we look for moments of contact and real connection. Sometimes that is more daunting than seeking out conflict. Do you dare to let yourself be touched?