Carefree divorce: the added value of mediation

Recently, Practice Love has started offering mediation. So here are some questions for mediator Melissa Molenschot, who helps couples get carefree divorces (or as carefree as possible).

What is the added value of mediation?

That you can remain in control, within reason and legal obligations. In doing so, we keep the pace that couples like. There is usually two weeks between appointments. Time enough to let things sink in. The nice thing about mediation is that, unlike settling with just a lawyer, you can find a middle ground together: ‘We both want this.’

At what point do you ideally decide on mediation?

The most ideal is when you can communicate with each other without a lot of effort. Although of course there can be friction, but there shouldn’t be a banging argument.

And when does it not work?

If one of the two partners is very hurt, it can be difficult, for example, in cases of adultery. Sometimes emotions get mixed up then. The partner who does not choose to divorce sometimes finds more to earn in the settlement. We then still try to come to a reasonable settlement. It is up to the mediator to show the overview. And sometimes you find out along the way: we won’t get there that way. It happens.

What are things that people overlook?

Often people think less about the future. For example, pensions need to be divided, or there is still a survivor’s pension. What do we do with that? Or ex-partners think: the parenting plan is just for now. But when children enter high school, the regular division of care changes. Then the plan must be modified. In principle, parents can arrange this among themselves. Nibud has handy practical tips for this.

Carefree divorce: what is your advice for couples?

Try to stay in conversation with each other. Try to get something on paper that is achievable, for everyone and in an equal ratio. And of course I am only too happy to support you in that.

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