Divorce and children: what’s best for your child?

Worry number one in divorce is your kids. The mediator can play a mitigating role and provide tips.

Divorce and also having children: how to handle it? When you decide to break up, break the news together and also tell the shared story. It can be confusing if one of the parents is placed in a particular position, such as being the guilty party. Afterwards, also give the child space to ask questions. Maybe those questions won’t come right away; that’s okay. Be open to it.

What to tell and what not to tell?

Think carefully about what you are going to say and what you are not going to say. Softening is sometimes necessary. For example, it may be better to deliver the news more superficially when children are very young. Older children will ask more questions. In that case, you can also explain more. Villa Pinedo has developed “Ask!”, a handy question game with clarifying questions for parents who are getting divorced and have children. Questions that you may not immediately think of on your own, but that do help in communicating with each other.

Don’t put it off

Every child reacts differently. Fortunately, you know your child. Just don’t delay the message. Your intention to soften with it can work the other way. Mediator Melissa Molenschot experienced this herself as a child. Her parents were afraid of her reaction and didn’t tell her until everything was already settled. Melissa: “That didn’t give me a chance to think anything of it.”

And yes, after such an announcement it is also important to get back to daily life. If one of the partners is already looking for a home, you can already prepare the child for the new everyday things. “Soon you will have two lunchboxes.” Also provide other practical examples of the new situation. For example, you can already talk about the new room and the new stuff in it, make it positive.

Divorce and children: getting school involved

Also notify the school. The topic of divorce comes up more often in school. And if the teacher knows, they can keep you updated on how things are going in class. Melissa: “School is secretly very important, but is often forgotten.”

Would you like divorce support and engage our mediator? Feel free to send a message with your questions.

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