Getting closer together again: these tips will get you started

Do you feel distance from your partner and does that make you feel bad? A relationship goes through phases, phases in which you experience more or less connection. That fluctuation is not strange or worrisome, troublesome it can be. How do you deal with that rocking? We give you tips on how to get closer together again.

Living together goes in waves: sometimes you feel deep connection, sometimes there is more distance, the normal wave motion. Because you divide your attention between all kinds of things, things at home, work or you have your head with family you are worried about. Just a few examples. How do you get closer together again when you notice distance?

Viewing underlying patterns

Feeling secure with the other person is the basis of a relationship. Over time, that feeling may begin to diminish. There is more fighting, distance or partners withdraw. If you are looking for new commitment together, look closely at what you are doing. How does certain behavior affect others? What does this behavior mean?

For example, one person always criticizes in a reproachful way and the other then immediately runs upstairs. Or from a confrontational questioning from one person, the other claps immediately and completely shut. ‘He’s ignoring me,’ insists an assumption? See what thoughts are underlying. What is really behind a reaction? What are the underlying patterns and what mode of communication does work in that moment?

Getting closer together: what does love mean?

Love has a different meaning for everyone. What does love mean to you? For you, what gesture reflects your partner’s love? Discuss your needs and desires in a concrete way. How to show love for each other. It can be with something small like a caress, an interested question or the retrieval of a fond memory. Or yet a dinner or gift as a token of your affection. Explore together what works for you. And in spite of this, you don’t manage to go the distance? Our therapists are happy to give you valuable advice.

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