In the open relationship, freedom comes only after security

In our previous article, we told about the open relationship and its basis. Because increasingly we are seeing a kind of curiosity about this form of relationship. Here we discuss the conditions and what is important within the open relationship. How does it work? And just what could make it unsafe?

Safe connectedness at 1

Within the open relationship, we distinguish the primary and secondary relationship (the relationship with a third party). The stronger and more secure the primary relationship is attached, the easier the open relationship goes. If there is jealousy, strife or insecurity, it is a signal that something is going wrong in the secure connection between the permanent partners.

It is important then that jealousy is not seen as someone’s inadequacy, but as a result of the situation. And thus as a joint responsibility. With feelings like this, you have to go back to the primary relationship, put it back to 1 and take small steps from there to see what feels right and safe. That way you can start building again.

Important conditions

A sustainable open relationship can exist when partners always put the primary relationship at 1. But also by daring to be vulnerable, to keep talking and listening, to be patient, to slow down, to comfort, to reassure, and by being there for each other. That will get you a long way.

An open relationship succeeds only if you are willing to learn. We do say: freedom comes after security. Consent to the open relationship is possible if your partner knows he or she can always count on you. If this balance is not there, then freedom becomes the greatest insecurity within a relationship.

Did you know that a couples therapist can help you in this process? For example, by creating space. Our therapists are there to see together what is helpful. So feel free to make an appointment to get acquainted.

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