Infidelity in the relationship and still moving on together

Moving on after infidelity

Can you resume the relationship if one of the partners had an affair? Can you come out of that together? It succeeds with attention and dedication. Relationship therapist Esther Perel indicates that infidelity can enrich a relationship.

Infidelity is a topic we regularly encounter in our practice. In counseling, we address how to move on when one of the two has had an affair. We do this in three stages: the crisis, interpreting the story and moving forward. Here we highlight them in a nutshell.

What does infidelity say about partners?

The process begins with living through the crisis. The hurting partner tells his or her story, as often as necessary and at his or her own pace. As the partner with the affair moves from shame to guilt at this stage, there is room to start interpreting. To start dissecting the overall picture and zooming in on both stories. There is now also room for the story of the partner with the affair.

Because what exactly happened? What was sparked by that “third party”? We need to start dissecting these questions.

Esther Perel turns it around: “The allure of an affair is often not so much that new partner, but the discovery of your new self. The partner with the affair often wants something new and is already working on it: ‘I want more time for myself, I want to do more fun things, get more compliments.’

By putting infidelity right on the table, in the middle of the relationship, we can remove it. What information does this give us? What does this say about us, this period, this event? What of that information can enrich us in the new relationship we enter into?

A new relationship, a new chapter. Because infidelity can also be the basis for more openness. To start talking, about desires or about vulnerability. The crisis can bring out many valuable things. Gives hope, right?

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