Pain in infidelity: how to deal with it together?

Lying, cheating and hiding; it happens in infidelity in relationships. And it can hurt endlessly when you find out your partner is cheating. It happened without your knowledge, just behind your back. Didn’t you have a rock-solid alliance and blind mutual trust for years? In this blog, we explain the pain in infidelity, but also give you tips on how to deal with it together.

Why does infidelity hurt so much?

Once you wanted nothing more than to be together unconditionally. And that it would turn out this way was simply unimaginable.

The cheating partner is often self-seeking or seeking (even more) happiness. Whatever the motives, the cheated party feels betrayed: your partner had a secret for you. Shared something very intimate – emotional, sexual or both – with another and not with you. And then there’s social media, which can make deception very visible.

Infidelity can also be painful for the family, family and friends. Others in the immediate area may be very angry or feel betrayed as well. The pain is everywhere, including the cheater, argues Esther Perel in an interview in Trouw.

Infidelity: how do you deal with the pain together?

Your partner’s infidelity makes you angry and sad, furious perhaps. Try to allow these feelings. You need time to process them. And you may also be open about it, about the pain and gnawing uncertainty you feel. Share this feeling with your partner, what the infidelity has done to you.

Maybe you decide to move on together. If you feel strong enough and manage to leave the pain behind, really make a new beginning. Let go of what has been, for only then can a new confidence begin to grow, however contradictory it may feel. Endlessly dragging the infidelity along often provides no solution. Punishing yourself with the search for old evidence adds nothing and stands in the way of your relationship.

In addition, it is important to find out together why the infidelity was there. What was missing in your relationship? Can you work on this? And above all, do you manage to come out stronger, with more connection and emotional depth?

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