Why sometimes arguing is good

Arguing with your partner is not fun, but it has a function. Feel free to call it healthy. After all, with arguing you express what you like and don’t like. You express your opinions but also your limits.

Couples often tell us, “An argument like this is usually about nothing, the stupidest things. Professor Catrin Finkenauer tells Quest, “Total harmony does not exist. You can’t see into the other person’s head and so you project, often imperceptibly, your own feelings onto that other person.’ Often at first we see only the surface, the top. That is, anger, rage, sadness or silence. The subsequent recovery we do in depth. We then go to the lower layer of emotions.

Sometimes the quarrels recur more often. Resilience is gone and argument follows argument. The fuse shortens and the energy to recover is lacking. At that point, it is necessary to slow down.

Restoring resilience: essential

To regain resilience, it is important to deal with the arguments. How do you argue? Who starts, who goes on and on, and who walks away? The way you argue stems from how you were taught to approach conflict in the past. For example, we use certain strategies to feel less anxiety.

Try to be aware of deeper emotions during arguments. That will help you actually get to that deeper layer and fix the argument. Thus, there will be room for mildness and your relationship will become more harmonious. Healthy arguing brings you closer together again; it works to connect. You achieve compromise, and by expressing what you think, you strengthen your self-esteem. During relationship therapy, we’ll give you a handy step-by-step plan for fixing arguments the right way.

Can we help you or are you curious about what our relationship therapists can do for you? If so, please feel free to contact us.

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