Looking for the best couples therapist? What really matters

You type it in: best couples therapist Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Utrecht. You want the best, naturally. But what actually makes a couples therapist good? And how do you know if that person is right for you?

What makes a couples therapist good?

A good couples therapist needs more than just a diploma. Of course solid training is important, and it's good if someone is affiliated with professional associations like NVRG, EFT Nederland or VVS. But what really makes the difference are three things:

Empathy, authenticity and acceptance. A couples therapist must be able to see and hear both of you, without taking sides. They must be able to hold what is vulnerable, without judging. And they must also dare to name what's happening, even when that's confronting. We call that congruence: being real, not just nice.

Besides that, methodology is important. At Praktijk de Liefde we work systemically and with EFT, emotionally focused. That means we look at patterns (head), at emotional connection (heart) and at what happens in the body (releasing tension). This combination is scientifically supported: 70 to 75 percent of couples experience significant improvement.

And finally: taking the lead. A good couples therapist doesn't let you go in circles endlessly. They help you have real conversations, name emotions and look together at what's needed. Sometimes that's staying together. Sometimes that's breaking up. The goal isn't necessarily being together, the goal is clarity and healing.

How do you find a couples therapist who fits you?

You can read endless reviews and compare Google ratings, but ultimately it's about the connection. A therapist who works fantastically for one couple might not feel right for another. That's why it's smart to check a few things:

• Methodology: do they work systemically, solution-focused, emotionally focused? Does that fit what you're looking for?
• Experience: do they have experience with your issue? Think infidelity, libido difference, anxiety, trauma, or just stuck communication.
• Availability: how quickly can you get an appointment? Waiting often makes things worse.
• Feeling: after a first conversation you usually know if there's a connection. Trust that.

At Praktijk de Liefde all therapists work from a shared vision and methodology, and we are the largest practice for systemic couples therapy in the Netherlands. No waiting list, you can often get an appointment within 1 to 2 weeks. On average couples need 4 to 8 sessions for lasting improvement. We have locations in Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Utrecht, The Hague, Eindhoven, and six other cities, and we also work online.

What should couples therapy cost?

Couples therapy isn't covered by basic health insurance. That sometimes makes the choice extra challenging. At Praktijk de Liefde we charge 179 euros for a daytime session and 199 euros in the evening. Sometimes an employer can reimburse business coaching, that's worth checking.

Want to know more about costs and reimbursement? Read our article about what couples therapy costs or check the page about reimbursement.

When is it time for couples therapy?

Maybe you're still unsure. Is it bad enough? Shouldn't we try on our own first? If you recognize any of these signs, couples therapy is probably a good idea:

• You only talk about logistics anymore, not about what's really going on.
• Something happened (an affair, a loss, a major change) and you can't work through it.
• You get irritated more often or avoid any conversation altogether.
• The intimacy is gone and you both miss it, but talking about it doesn't work.
• You wonder if you still want to be together.

Also read our article about 7 signs you need couples therapy.

Frequently asked questions

Do you need to see a couples therapist in your own city?

No, definitely not. You can also do online couples therapy, and research shows it's just as effective as face-to-face. More important than the location is the connection with the therapist and the methodology they use.

How many sessions do you need on average?

At Praktijk de Liefde most couples need 4 to 8 sessions for lasting improvement. That of course depends on what's going on and how long you've been stuck.

Can you do couples therapy if you come alone?

Yes, absolutely. Sometimes a partner doesn't want to or can't come (yet). Then you can start with us through individual therapy, in which we also look at the relationship dynamic. Often the other person joins at a later time.

Ready to start?

You don't have to wait until everything is completely stuck. The sooner you start, the easier it often is to grow back toward each other. At Praktijk de Liefde you can get an appointment within 1 to 2 weeks, without a waiting list. We work at 10 locations throughout the Netherlands and online.

Curious if couples therapy with us fits you? Feel free to contact us for an initial meeting. We're happy to think along with you.

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