Esther Perel and her book Erotic Intelligence: how do you maintain sexual tension?

In 2014, the book
Erotic Intelligence
by Esther Perel. An important work for us because we find Esther Perel’s ideas valuable. That’s why in this blog we tell you about the value of Esther’s book for your relationship.

Psychotherapist Esther Perel

Esther Perel is a psychotherapist and has her practice in New York. You may know her from Zomergasten, as one of the Sunday guests in 2018. In Erotic Intelligence, Perel describes the tension between security in relationships and an exciting sex life.

Sometimes in our relationship we experience the dilemma of feeling completely safe and at the same time craving (more) erotic excitement. Because after a long period together, lust sometimes ebbs away. Perel writes about this: ‘… in my experience as a therapist, growing emotional intimacy often goes hand in hand with reduced sexual desire.’ So a good relationship on an emotional level does not necessarily mean that sex is also satisfying.
Keeping sex exciting

How do you do maintain sexual arousal?

In her book
Erotic Intelligence
Esther Perel describes this based on experiences from her practice. In adultery, what are underlying desires and needs? And can’t adultery actually have a positive impact on a relationship? After all, it also gives partners a chance to engage in conversation: what do you miss in intimacy? What do you like and desire?

Maintain the surprise

Beautiful, how Perel explains the concepts of sex and eroticism in her book. Eroticism gives us the ability to imagine. And that is precisely where the success lies; the space that is then created to surprise each other. Take, no, make time for that. Play and build the tension. Also remember that the fine security you experience with each other has another benefit. It makes it easier to try things. To experiment with sex. And despite that safety, remain heartily curious about the other person. That search, according to Esther Perel, is what it’s all about.

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