High expectations of love: are they too high?

In the previous article, we talked about the small, achievable goals and all that is already present in relationships. But also accepting what is missing. We referred to relationship therapist Esther Perel and stuck with her for a while.

In our previous article, Practice Love therapist Edith Molenaar described the power of smaller, achievable changes in relationships. And that in this way you can work together toward something bigger.

Is that what it’s all about and thus we often expect too much from love and our partners? In an article by The Correspondent, Esther Perel explains her thoughts on this. A valuable, systems-based view of relationships that we fully embrace.

High expectations: too good to be true

In the interview with Nina Polak, Perel outlines the endless expectations we have when it comes to love. High expectations that also do come from our culture and current society. A partner must have it all. The safe, exciting and also the very best sounding board. These almost “religious expectations” of each other, as Esther beautifully puts it, put a lot of pressure on relationships and lovers. Love thus becomes almost an all-encompassing, complicated project.

So maybe it all doesn’t have to be more exciting or better or more complete, but it could be different. With what is already there in your relationship. For example, can you accept that sometimes it is a matter of searching? And can you take something from that to start a new story together?

No bite-sized chunks but nuance

Esther Perel’s explanation excels at being simple and seems so obvious. At the same time, she says she is not a fan of reduced, off-the-shelf solutions. It just goes to show how multi-layered relationship problems can be.

Are you curious about Esther Perel’s ideas? Then check out “Nothing worse for your relationship than thinking you know each other” by Nina Polak in De Correspondent here. She also links there to Esther’s podcast where you can listen in on her sessions, highly recommended!